My legs are going to fall off

Today, I did the first step of the couch-to-5k. Then, I walked an additional mile for funzies. My legs feel like they're going to fall off.

In other news, I read my first non-school book of 2011. It was the Hunger Games, a book recommended to me by a multitude of my students. I have to admit it was one of the most engaging books I've read in a long time- though the only way I can describe it is "imagine if the book Brave New World somehow mated with the less smutty parts of Twilight and the movie Gladiator." I read those 275 pages in 48 hours, though it helped that my students were testing.

I cast on one of my Facebook Five's gift, but I can't tell you who it's for, or what it is. So instead, let me show you some pictures.  


Right before Christmas break, I got this package from Alicia...

 This is what I found when I opened it...

 Here's her card explaining that she got me 24 gifts, for my 24th birthday.

 Here are said gifts...

Each was individually wrapped and while some were things like glue and batteries, which went with other gifts, all of them were exceptionally amazing.

Highlight include:
- Batman stickers - I use them on my student's tests
- A build your own dinosaur kit
- A nightlight that becomes a flashlight
-Almost 2 lbs of red sour patch kids
-Vitamins
- Petosky stone earrings shaped like Michigan

And finally, my favorite gift, because even after living here a year... I'm still a little afraid of my basement, she got me a dinosaur flashlight that roars when you push his tail.  I use it to go down stairs and it warns the gremlins that I'm coming. It was honestly one of the best gift opening experiences of my life.

A New way to do resolutions

So, I’ve been reading message boards last week, and have realized that this is the time of the year where we try to reset ourselves. In this week we make promises to ourselves and others- to lose weight, get out of debt, and just generally be better people. But I’ve been reading for my professional development that this mindset goes directly against human nature, and this is why so many resolutions fail. We don’t generally do well with long term commitments to something. As people, we like to see success that we can measure- we like small wins. So here’s what I’m proposing, that for the next year, I want to live a little more bravely. I don’t think I’m going to do anything huge, but I think I’m going to be a little more adventurous one little nugget at a time. I want to try new things. Maybe even do something things that have scared me in the past.  Here is my "so far" list:  

1. Cook a curry dish that does not suck
2. Do the couch to 5k again
3. Read 6 books that are “just for fun” (1/6)
4. Learn to make my own pie crust – that isn’t tough or chewy
5. Cook pad thai
6. Knit 5 items to donate (0/5)
7. Try a new bread recipe
8. Host a dinner party with at least 5 attendees
9. Lose 10 lbs
10. Go to bed before 11 for three weeks straight
11. Learn to eat pomegranate
12. Give up soda for a month
13. knit something that requires colorwork
14. bake a lava cake
15. Find 15 new recipes to mix in to “the usual rotation” (0/15)
16. add 100 new squares to my sock blanket (5/100)
17. Watch all 100 of the American Film Institute's 100 greatest movies of all time (1/100)
18. Send 20 letters (0/20)
19. Complete my "facebook 5" surprise projects
20. Use mouthwash every night for 3 weeks straight
21. Blog at least 24 times. (3/24)
22. Visit a state I've never been to before. 
23. Deep clean the flat at least 6 times- this should include mopping and washing the covers on the furniture (1/6)
24. Save up for a DSLR camera. ($300/$800)

I don't have time to write. I'll turn 24 in 4 days. I'll be home in Michigan in 10. Most days, I wish this man wasn't so right. But if he has to be right- I want people to know it. 

Giggle.

My homeroom class is working on a project that involves them doing research on the true stories behind movies we watch.  One of my thuggish kids, who has a gang sign tattooed on his face, brands on his arm, and stands at a massive 6'2" was looking suspicious today. So I used my lanschool to freeze his computer. When I looked at what was frozen on his screen, it was this webpage. 

I laughed SO HARD.

Mandatory post on body image

I mentioned in passing in an earlier blog that I was trying to lose weight, which is a reasonable goal that more than 70% of the population shares with me.  But I think there’s this thought that goes along with trying to lose weight, that at some point I will arrive and suddenly be thrilled with my body. It will look like the stars that I admire, people will love me more, and suddenly my life will be perfect.  (Or if not perfect, at least a lot easier) I know that’s silly. I know that it is fundamentally untrue. But I had a strange experience about 3 weeks ago that got me thinking.  Since coming out to South Dakota again, I’ve lost about ten lbs. It’s not a huge amount, but it did involve dropping a size over my entire body. Which left me with a sloppy looking professional wardrobe.

A few weeks ago I had some free weekend time, and so I went to Rapid City partially just to get off the rez and get some of my feeling of anonymity back, and partially because I needed some new clothes.  For the first time in quite a while, I was small enough to shop at mall stores that weren’t plus sized. (Not all mall stores because I maintain that hollister’s skirts look like headbands) Yes, I was still on the largest end of those mall stores, but there was a certain freedom to being able to shop ALMOST anywhere. I took my newfound freedom for a spin in the Rushmore Mall.  And in Maurice’s I found it. Perfectly cut to make my boobs look great and my stomach look flat, it was a pretty, flowy tank top.  I tried it on, and fit perfectly.  Then I looked at the price tag, and it took me exactly 3 seconds to determine that $34 is way too much to pay for a top, no matter how good it looks on. 

It wasn’t until I was driving home, kicking myself that I started thinking hard.  I have always been the fat kid. I distinctly remember the hell on earth that was bathing suit shopping. My mother is a saint for all the years that she put up with me crying in dressing rooms because I have hated the way I looked since… well I remember melt downs as early as 7 or 8 years old.  And somewhere along the many years of crying in dressing rooms because other people get to have cute stuff, cute bodies, and feel good about themselves, somewhere in there I internalized the message that I don’t deserve nice stuff.  I don’t think anyone ever said it to me, that my body was something to be ashamed of and mocked, or treated poorly. But there it was all the same, when push came to shove the voice in my head said “you don’t deserve to have nice things, look nice, or feel good about your body… cuz you’re still fat” and I believed it. 

The more I thought about it, the more I kind of realized that this is true for a lot of the women I know. Fat people tend to have fat friends, because they make us feel ok about ourselves, like we’re not being judged as harshly.  Some of the most wonderful people I know, wear slightly bigger clothes, and if asked would say that they don’t dress up, they don’t try with their appearance, because they instead focus their energy into places they can be successful.  I don’t know which is worse, that we believe we don’t deserve nice things like skinny girls, or that we believe our best bet is to cut and run when it comes to our appearances.  Either way, it’s remarkably sad.

A good way to end the week....

 While some people have said that the week flew by, with Matt in the field, Amy and Em up to their eyes in work, and my kids being made of the crazy all week- it's been a long one. I mean there have been some high points, like our first day of 100% participation in every class (which just feels like a win as a teacher). But there have also been a ton of low points, like having to write up one of my best students for a technology violation- ("I hate that I have to do this, but you know better" "yea, I do"). 

But this morning was epic.  I managed to lock my car keys, classroom keys, house keys (yes, I have a lot of keys), cell phone and school bag all in my car. Also, the car was running.  Also it was 8:02- so class started in 28 minutes.  What went from "running a little late" quickly became- MASSIVELY late.  I was panicked. The staff is already short handed because of a death in the community and a bout of strep throat that is going around. I was already doubled up for classes in advisory and third block.  I could not afford to be late.

At this moment, the neighbor also walked out of the house.  I told her what happened and she laughed at me, but let me use her cell phone to call maintenance, who has the spare key to my apartment.  They showed up at 8:24, and let me in.  I ran in, grabbed my spare car keys, unlocked the car, grabbed my cell phone and called the high school at 8:28.

"Have security let my kids into my room, I'll be there in 3- 5 minutes."

8:33- went through the metal detectors with the fastest time ever

8:35- ran up the stairs near my classroom with visions of kids running around, throwing things, screaming, biting each other, and destroying the room flashing in my head.

8:36- walked into room 206 to find my entire first hour seated in their assigned seats with their binders, and a sheet of paper. The first thing I hear when I walk into the room "hey, that's yesterday's journal question on the board- where's today's?"

I wanted to cry. I wanted to hug each of them.  Though there have been some low points this week, the realization that my kids will do what they need to do even when I'm not around- made this week entirely worth it.   

Summer

It has been a long time since I’ve written here, and even longer if you dis-include my musings about the modern church (the endings of which are banked and will hopefully be posted soon.)  It’s the middle of October and I’ve been in my second year of teaching for a month and a half. This seems strange to me… no way is Halloween in 2 weeks. No way is the semester a third over. No way has it been 2 whole months since I left Motown and the D.  Just No way.  So a life update seems in order. 

*This summer, I worked for Motown Mission, while it was one of the greatest summers ever and I met some of the most amazing, fantastic people, it was also the point I think I finally realized how much weight I’d gained in my first teaching year. It was a sad, sad summer of avoiding having my picture taken. 

*Steve broke up with me. There, I said it. There are a lot of things that broke that relationship, and a lot of hurtful things said and done. Some of them may be forgiven some day, but they won’t ever really be forgotten. But that’s part of growing up, and growing strong, is learning to move on when the people who weren’t supposed to hurt you- do.

*This year, I’m teaching 2 blocks of ninth grade English, with real live 14 year-old ninth graders.  It’s been great. We started our year by drafting learning contracts. I wrote one for them, they wrote one for me, and both can be seen below.  We started our year with a review unit affectionately called Unit ½ .  Our Unit 1 followed the text of the Catcher in the Rye, which (save for a few students) has been an overwhelming success. Believe it or not kids like to read things that were meant for their grade level, even if it’s challenging. 

*I’m also running a brand new program at TCHS called Media Arts and Studio Productions.  It’s been a huge challenge to write my own curriculum for a program that is like and unlike any other program in the country. While I started with memories from Hepler’s media class at FHS, this quickly took on a life of it’s own as we started working in the block.  The kids have been producing the news for exactly 2 weeks now, most of the time they do a really great job. Feel free to check them out at

www.youtube.com/user/falcondaily

*I’ve learned some things about myself in the last few weeks, and I secretly think I’ve known them all along, but didn’t realize it.  First, I like to learn new things. Whether that’s figuring out how to use a green screen in the studio or learning about Rumspringa or great feuds of the Tudor family, in a really nerdy way, I enjoy the simple process of finding out something I didn’t know before. Second, I like a good challenge.  I like taking on things that are hard, whether that be the impossible sock yarn blanket or baking a gingerbread caramel upside down cake that is made entirely from scratch. There’s something about setting up the odds and then persisting until it works that is deeply satisfying.  And so here’s a picture of my cake.

That’s it for the life updates. I'm going to go eat some cake now.