A beginning

You know one of my favorite "Jesus things" is all the titles that man had. He was the vine, the light, the word, the lamb of God, the King of Kings, the Messiah, and a host of other things. But one of the most contentious titles he had was "The Door," and maybe it wasn't contentious, then but it is now. And it isn't that I have a problem with being contentious, friends and family will tell you that I can rattle cages with the best of them. But what I mean to express is that this blog was not titled after Jesus, for the comparison would be an unfair one to make. I am far from perfect. Rather the title and address of this blog have to do with a poem I've always loved.

"So I Stay Near the Door"
“I stay near the door.
I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out,
The door is the most important door in the world—
It is the door through which men walk when they find God.
There’s no use my going way inside, and staying there,
When so many are still outside, and they, as much as I,
Crave to know where the door is.
And all that so many ever find
Is only the wall where a door ought to be.
They creep along the wall like blind men.
With outstretched, groping hands,
Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door,
Yet they never find it . . .
So I stay near the door.

“The most tremendous thing in the world
Is for men to find that door—the door to God.
The most important thing any man can do
Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands,
And put it on the latch—the latch that only clicks
And opens to the man’s own touch.
Men die outside that door, as starving beggars die
On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter—
Die for want of what is within their grasp.
They live, on the other side of it—live because they have found it.
Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it,
And open it, and walk in, and find Him . . .
So I stay near the door.

“Go in, great saints, go all the way in—
Go way down into the cavernous cellars,
And way up into the spacious attics—
In a vast, roomy house, this house where God is.
Go into the deepest of hidden casements,
Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood.
Some must inhabit those inner rooms,
And know the depths and heights of God,
And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is.
Sometimes I take a deeper look in,
Sometimes venture a little farther;
But my place seems closer to the opening . . .
So I stay near the door.

“The people too far in do not see how near these are
To leaving—preoccupied with the wonder of it all.
Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door,
But would like to run away. So for them, too,
I stay near the door.

“I admire the people who go way in.
But I wish they would not forget how it was
Before they got in. Then they would be able to help
The people who have not even found the door,
Or the people who want to run away again from God.
You can go in too deeply, and stay in too long,
And forget the people outside the door.
As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place,
Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there,
But not so far from men as not to hear them,
And remember they are there too.
Where? Outside the door—
Thousands of them, millions of them.
But—more important for me—
One of them, two of them, ten of them,
Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch,
So I shall stay by the door and wait
For those who seek it.
‘I had rather be a door-keeper . . .’
So I stay near the door.”

Sam Shoemaker

The poem was written by a man who would later go on to found Alcoholics Anonymous, and I think in my "early twenties" this poem has very much embodied who I WANT to be. Now I'm not saying that I live my life to bring thousands or millions of people to Christ. I think that's a tall order to fill, and occasionally, I think that it would be impossible. More so, I think that the numbers aren't important. They don't count, and it wouldn't matter if they did, because I don't think anyone is keeping score.  I think that one of the biggest problems with Christianity as it's lived today is that it is an old faith, I think we're not just in the door, but we're seated, reclining, and maybe even watching TV.  We've set up camp deep on the inside of our religious communities and we refuse to become involved or invested with those on the outside.  Now don't get me wrong, I would never say that we mean to be this way. I'm just saying, I think we fell off the wagon somewhere. We know we're called to fellowship and evangelize but I think we have a hard time reconciling these two things.  It is good for us to find comfort in fellowship with those who believe what we do, but we're human so it's hard to pry ourselves out of it.  We want to evangelize but that word has so many negative associations with it, that we don't want to be those Christians. 

So as I get ready to set out on the next leg of my journey, for better or worse, I'm working hard to define what kind of Christian I want to be.  I want to evangelize, and not just "bring good news" but bring hope with it. I want to live a love that is revolutionary, long suffering, and undeserved. I want to grow in my spiritual gifts, and cultivate those I am lacking. I want to pour in to the people around me complete. I want to go to bed every night and sleep the sleep of someone who evangelizes with their actions, which I imagine to be exhausting. 

And so dear readership, what journey are you on? Who are you hoping to become? And how do YOU evangelize?